balance life

No goals, just recovery

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About five weeks ago I hurt my back again. During my one and only holiday this year. I’m not kidding. Despite my back problems, getting a cold and the rainy weather I really enjoyed my holiday. It felt like holiday, it just felt good. Sea, beach, surfing, yoga, good food, fine wine. I couldn’t wish for more. Well, maybe a bit more sun.

I went to South France in my brand new car with a couple of people I’ve never met before. Kinda scary, but good scary. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfortzone to do really amazing things. Maybe I’ll tell you more about my holiday in an other post.

This year I got injured twice. Not by doing crossfit or what so ever. I noticed, when I wasn’t in my regular training routine, my injuries seem te happen. Lesson learned; no matter how busy, always try to keep my training regime in order.

My goals for the rest of 2015, getting in my old good shape with running and crossfit. First won’t be easy though. Me and running haven’t always been friendly and I still haven’t found my running mojo again. This week I started with doing really short runst, trying get my mojo back.

With weightlifting and crossfit I have to listen to my body really carefully and slowly make it heavier. I also need to add a lot of mobility work for my squat position and the shoulders. And just practice and practice. All I want is to get strong and painfree again. For 2016 more strength and skills and maybe triple unders… No way… LOL

Ps. I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. But life kinda happened you know.

Expectations – #14 Oslo Diary

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Library of the Rijksmuseum. Books make me happy.
Library of the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. You know, books just make me happy.

We all have certain expectations in life. About getting a education, a job, raising a family. There is a certain path you supposed to follow and that should be the recipe to happiness. Welcome to my life! 36, still busy getting a degree, I do have a job, but not the one that makes me happy. A family? I don’t even have a pet. According to my expectations I supposed to be so unhappy. Luckily I’m not! Of course I do have bad days and lately I’ve been missing a partner in my life. But that doesn’t mean my life is miserable.

Since my break up last October I have been in a depression off and on. When I was younger I used to be depressed a lot more often. I’m working on it with help from a therapist and it’s getting better and better. This time it was caused by those standard expectations. Doubting myself all the time. I couldn’t see my potential, that standard expectations don’t work for me.  Not everyone goes from A to B in a straight line and there is nothing wrong with that. even though other people say it is wrong, 36, single and no kids, there must be something wrong with you!

There are so many roads to happiness. And I didn’t know this could be possible on my own terms. Lately I’m getting to understand what makes me happy. Getting more and more comfortable with myself. Books make me happy. I love to run even though my pace is very slow, but who cares? I love to write. I love to challenge myself when I do Crossfit. I like it when I get my studybooks, to see all the knowledge I will pump in my brains. I love the physical needs I have and also embrace the geeky part of me. How awesome is that?

Some people figure it out at a much younger age, some people will never figure it out. Wether you are 18 or 80, discover who you are and what makes you happy. You know what makes you happy, when your eyes start to twinkle, when you talk about it. Easy right? You might try it sometime… 😉

#12 Oslo Diary

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I couldn’t come up with a proper title for this piece. When I started to write about my marathon adventure, I promised myself to write at least one piece each week, but it seems I can’t keep that promise. And it annoys the crap out of me. I mean writing one piece each week, should be easy to do even for busy bee like me. But no…

Sometimes a day seems to be too short. Sometimes I’m just tired. Sometimes I just want to watch TV. Sometimes I just want to take a nap. And to be honest sometimes I just don’t know what to write. Sorry, but it’s true.

This blog is for fun and I don’t want to feel pressure or guilty when I don’t post stuff on time. I need to remember that at all times.

Oh and besides my whining. My running so going awesome! (knock on wood). My pace is going down gradually and the runs are getting longer! I’m really happy about that! And I’m soooo close to a sub 60 10K! When I run that sub 60, I’ll probably gonna cry! The thought of being so close, makes me actually really nervous. It’s like my Moby Dick and I’m captain Ahab.

But when it happens I will let you know for sure! That’s a solid promise.

No air – #10 Oslo Diary

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No ai-ai-air… That Jordin Sparks song pops in my head. I actually like that song. It’s nice poppy and easy. For years I used to have no air. Running with no air. The feeling of breathing through a thin straw. Breathing as hard as you can and you alway will gasp for more air. Your legs have still so much strength left, but if feels like your lungs are dying. Nothing more frustrating for a runner. It happened I finished my run almost crying of frustration.

Okay, it doesn’t feel like that on a easy jog, but when you try to run a pace of normal humans, it feels like you can die any minute. But when you work just as hard as anybody else, you want to be as fast as anybody else. I know it will always limit me in some way, but I just knew I had to find out if I could make it happen to be less of a hurdle for me.

So I decided to look for someone who could help. I asked for help on Twitter, it took me three times to find the right person who could help me. We made an appointment in the hospital, did some tests and we changed my medication.

Long story short… I have been taking the new meds for about five weeks. The first two weeks I couldn’t train full throttle due to several reasons. Last three weeks I have running according to the schedule. Different types of runs, easy runs, interval and tempo runs.

And guess what? I think it’s safe to say I’m getting a faster bit by bit. Really! As I look at the charts of my Nike app, my pace is getting faster. I wanted this for so long, you can’t imagine how happy I am. I actually almost cried of happiness. I now it sounds silly, but I’m just so happy!

It’s oh so quiet – #8 Oslo Diary

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Something is off and it’s leaving me restless. I miss the cool dark evening air, with my feet on the ground, stumping a beat to the rythm in my heart. Moonlight dimmed by some hazy clouds. It makes me feel like a swift dark night creature, ready to howl at the moon.

The feeling of being on my own, on my terms, in my strength, no one else to rely on. Just me to depend on. I just keep on moving, even with those nagging little aches. I won’t stop running, even when my lungs hurt. Each step at the time, I put aside my fatigue. Drifting in a foggy daydream, about what could’ve been and might be one day.

The feeling what will be, gives me strength to keep going. It puts a smile on my face. I can conquer the world. Wether I run or lifting heavy, I feel strong and happy.

But right now day 6 without any exercise. I just don’t know what to do with myself. My mind is not focused and my body feels restless. Taking hundreds of hot baths and tons of yoga sessions. For the first time in ages I just have regular clothing in the laundry. My running shoes are waiting for patiently at the door. This week made grateful that I have a strong healthy body despite of my asthma. After my week of recovery my cold is still not entirely gone, but I decided from tomorrow on green light on exercise! I wonder how it feels after a non-exercise week.

Time for my last bath of my recovery week!