About me

One's happiness can make an entire world smile

One’s happiness can make an entire world smile

I am a 38 year old Dutch woman with Indonesian roots. I’m still trying to conquer the world and figure it out what life is all about. You could say I’m a late bloomer. But better late than never. Did you know there are a lof of amazing people who are late bloomers?

For example: Colonel Sander was already 65 when he founded KFC. Vivian Westwood was 36 when she opened her first punk clothing store. The ever awesome actress Helen Mirren got her first big role when she was 45. Toni Morisson published her first novel at age 40. Diana Nyad was 64 when she swam from Cuba to Florida without a shark case. Chef Julia Child learned how to cook in her 40’s. Vera Wang was 40 when she became a fashion and bridal designer.  I could go on and on. People like this give me hope, I’m not the only one, who gets her life together and already being in her thirties. That means I still could conquer the world!

A few years ago I started college again. This year in March I had to quit due to a burnout. I’m still recovering and there are some other issues that need to be adressed. But step by step learning just to live again and become a better me.

This all made me think. How did this happen? I still don’t have a clear answer. What I do know, is that it partially was caused by the fact that I’m too afraid to fail, I wanted please people too much, I feel too responsible for just about everything and I feel the need to make everything right. While I was busy doing that, I was neglecting my own needs, wishes and hopes. It build up for years and years…

And suddenly it burst. I was a mess. An emotional mess. Could not do groceries without starting to cry in at the grocery store. Simple things felt like running a half marathon. Other simple things scared the freaking shit out of me. They made me cry and want to hide under the sheets. And that’s what I did.

What the hell? What was going on? What is wrong with me?
I’m a full grown 38 year oldsmart and independent woman having her shit together. Why did this happen to me? Apperently I don’t have it together. Not at all. I’m ignoring what I’m meant to do, I’m neglecting my own needs. That’s what got me into this mess!

Now I see that. And now I’m trying to find out what I am good at, what I like to do and what other people may benifit from. My experiences, my mistakes, my history, my everything. During this long path of struggle and discovery I luckily still enjoyed running and working out. It was a therapy, a outlet to ease my mind, to channel my inner dialogue, to make it all make sense for a bit.

But I do have asthma. And allergies. It appeared around the age of 30. And it sucks. It sucks big time! On a daily bases I use 4 different kinds op medicine. Sometimes I feel like a little chemical factory. But at this moment I need it to even breathe like a normal human.

The point is, that people who don’t have asthma don’t get it. And I can’t blame them. Because when you don’t know how it feels, how can you even imagine? But it kept me from doing things. Am I the best at what I’m doing? Hell no! But by far the most important is, is that I AM DOING IT. No matter what.

I ran three half marathons, I started cycling this June. I started weighlifging and crossfitting a few years ago. And it made resilient and strong. The only mistake I made (and still make) is that I keep comparing myself to other people. And I really need to stop doing that. It should be about my own progress and adventures. Not about what other people do. Of course they can inspire me and push to work hard, but it should not make me feel insecure or miserable.

With this blog I want to show you even with severe asthma you can do so much. And to enjoy it along the way. I want to help and inspire you! And I want you to inspire and help me! Let’s do this together. And have amazing and awesome adventures!

XO Natalia

 

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