Like a dolphin

after tri foto
Today I am supposed to do my first Ride for the Roses ride, instead I’m moping on the couch coughing and sneezing my ass off. I was really looking forward to it. It’s quite an event and it would be my first. But this time off gives me some time to get my head together.

A week ago I had my last triathlon for the season. That sounds like I did a whole bunch, but I only did two this season. And that’s perfectly fine. It’s my first season. I did a half marathon in June (on the Northpole, YAY!) and after that two sprints. This november I will run my second half marathon this year. I never did two half marathons in one year before! Combined with the triathlons I almost feel like a true Olympian. You have to understand I have never been this athletic in my entire life and this december I’m turning 40 (more about that later, or not
). Yes, I am a late bloomer and that is so awesome! I finally appreciate it.

OK, so my last triathlon.

The swim was horrible! Again dead last out of the water. I just couldn’t catch my breath, could get that rythm, the asthma took the best of me. After two lanes I had to take a breather. I didn’t understand. I have been practicing my ass off and I did make progress. What the hell? I tried to focus on my own, not watching everybody leaving, but it’s hard you know.

Even though I was 12 minutes faster than my first tri, I felt bummed by that bad bad swim. I just couldn’t shake that feeling. Two days later I did a short pool sessions and again it sucked big time. I kinda panicked. For the 70.3 Ironman there is a timecap of 1:10 for the 1,9 K swim. With my current open water swim skills it would take me about 1:20. My goal is to finish the swim within an hour, so I still have room, if I get cramp or my asthma kicks in.

My work is always all over the place, so it’s impossible to join a triclub or a swimmingclub. But until november the 1st I have an assignment in Amsterdam. So I e-mailed a triclub in Amsterdam called Dolphin and asked if I could join their swimming practices until november.

And… They said yes…

Holy shit!
This is insanely out of my comfortzone. I feel very much uncomfortable meeting new groups of people or just new people at all. I’m an introvert, you know. And I feel so bad about it that I’m such a horrible swimmer. In my head I make up false believes, that the other swimmers get annoyed by my lack of swim skills, or that they think I’m just a strange girl, or they think my charity 70.3Ironman is a stupid idea for such a rookie like me. And on and on…

So next week swimt practice is going down! Scared as hell, but it will get me closer to my 70.3 Ironman goals. Besides that, I am allowed to swim as shitty as I do. Everybody started at zero. Everybody got scared at their own open water swim. And especially I need to remind myself, that I am allowed to take up the space I want and need. I’m worth it. We’re all worth it. Don’t be small, don’t allow yourself to be small and don’t let other people make you small.

Let’s do this! I’ll keep you posted how my first swim practice went!

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